Friday, I went to the nursing home, wondering what Vxxxx would think of me. Will she forgive me for leaving her like that last week? Will she think me differently?

After I put down my stuff in the activity room, I went off searching for her. From the end of the corridor, I saw this shriveled old lady wheeling herself with great difficulty... It was her! OH! I ran up to her and gave her a big huge hug... It must have been a really interesting image of a young girl stopping down and hugging this old wrinkly lady. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I don't care what others would think or say, I like her a lot... Don't quite know if it is love yet, but I like her more than I like anybody else in the whole nursing home (even though she yelled at me). She hugged me back... I could feel the pressure on my back from her slender fingers... We hugged each other for a long long time, I'd say about 1 min or so. hehe...She wouldn't let me go. When we finished hugging each other, I took a look at her... sigh. It startled me. She lost some weight in the past 2 weeks because of her cold. Not a good thing. Her face that was once rounder and less wrinkly has become saggy and more wrinkly... It hurts me to see and realize the fact that old people are a lot weaker than us, and there is nothing that I can do about it... It reminds me of my grandma and grandpa... All I wish for them is health. I didn't realize that I love them more than I had thought until I am here in the States... They are old, too, if not older than the people at the nursing home. Who knows when they'll be gone the next day (let's pray that they'll stay with me until I get married and have kids)... Life is too unpredictable and fragile. We never know what's going to happen the next.

I told Vxxxx to eat more if she can, "you MUST eat more, Vxxxx..." She eats less than a bird does! She tells me that she can't eat... she can't eat, I said to myselfd, doesn't mean that she doesn't want to eat, but that she can't eat and that it is even hard for her to swallow the food. Could it be that the food is just utterly bad to the taste? Or could it be that her sensitivity to taste has gone down because of her old age? Or could it be that she's just tired of the food at the nursing home? I wish I can DO something! I am not supposed to give residents food though, which means that I can't really cook anything for her... (well...I can't cook in school either...sigh) I wish her son could just take her home and give her some good food for a change...

That reminds me of something....have you ever wondered why these old people are in the nursing home right now? I wonder... Why doesn't their kids (if they have any) take care of them? These old people are their parents, maybe not physically, but they will always be parents to the kids... My grandma is 88 now, and she still thinks that my dad is too young. She still takes care of him like all moms do... She tries to do his laundry, tries to cook, tries to clean even though she doesn't have too much strength to lift things. Moms will remain to be moms forever... It is part of their nature... It is something within, that their moms gave them... And the old dads too! They will always be dads even though they might not talk too much... They might be silent most of the time, but that doesn't mean that they are getting dull and stupid... They still have active minds. They might not like to ask you for help, but if you can give them help at the right moment, they'll appreciate you so much. I wonder if the kids realize that their parents are just like any other human beings... Their parents took care of them when they were whining babies, cleaned up after them, taught them how to speak, helped them making decisions, gave them shelters, protected them, guided them, and led them into the road of independence. When they grow up, the parents grow old and become dependent... Isn't it fair to say that the kids should take care of the parents just like the parents once did to them? Maybe it is just me... Maybe it is just my own sense of the importance of family... I would never allow myself to put my parents into nursing homes...NEVER. I owe so much to them not that they care if I pay back... They sacrificed way too much for me that there is no possible way that I can pay back other than to take care of them when they grow old... It's my duty and obligation, but I am so willing to do them that the duty and obligation will no longer be what they seemed to imply... No...it wouldn't be duty and obligation anymore... It would just be part of my life.....

Enough with the blog. I think I am going to do something meaningful, such as.... :-D TAKING A SHOWER!