i am all of a sudden really sad...tears taste salty...

don't know if a lot of people know that i am making an effort to let others know me better....and to know others better... i've been making progress...so much better than when i was in high school during which i just kept quiet most of the time...barely talked to anybody in 4 years. considering that the people back in NY see me during the break tell me, "oh wow...you just opened up once you get to college, huh?" the change...that people here don't see...is pretty dramatic... considering that i have made many close friends...many don't know... i still believe that you gotta build a friendship off on a common ground somehow...whether it be the past or hobbies or common goals (which may not necessarily have to be the same goals...but just trying to achieve some personal goals for the future would suffice)... if there is absolutely no intersections...then you are just mere acquaintances... It makes me mad to hear people telling me that i should "try more" especially since i am already trying really hard... it is just like dad telling me that i need to study more and know how to prioritize my time... not like that i don't already study a lot...i guess i just don't study enough... and in this case...i guess i just haven't been trying hard enough...

friendship begins with spending time with others...and i've been trying hard to do that...really...on top of school and csc... i try to visit people in mason and brody from time to time...just to see how they are doing... i don't know.....maybe i am just a failure...whatever...

sometimes...i wish...i can just be with myself all over again...life is so much simpler when i just spend time with myself and have some time alone with myself... i have not had too much of this leisure time for the entire semester and i miss it.

anyway...going to bed now...