I have not posted for a very very long time.

It's now 1/2 way through PGY1. Where to begin?

Lots have changed since I started medicine. It has definitely given me plenty of opportunity to look at the complexity of medicine and the art of practicing medicine. I think what I have found to be the most rewarding part is actually outpatient medicine where I have my own patients. It is gratifying to be able to develop relationships with them, even though some of them drive me nuts and even though I complain a lot about them at times... Most of my complaints have to do with my frustration at the cultural differences and people's perspective on medicine and their expectation from their physician.

There is one patient on my mind that I just want to spend a lot of time with right now... This is something I really did not realize, but as a physician, especially a resident, it is really hard to spend as much time with patients as I would like.

So I witnessed what cancer can do to someone... 3 months ago, my patient stood up straighter and appeared more vibrant. Now, after the diagnosis of metastatic cancer and only several times of radiation, she looked so much smaller and weaker. This is without chemo because she didn't want to have it. It makes me really sad to watch how she withers away with rapidly replicating crazy cancer cells. But knowing her prognosis, I secretly commended her for her brave decision. What makes me even more amazed is the inner strength that she has dealing with this whole situation. She has accepted and chosen to be at peace with it... I wish that some day I will have that too...