I find myself to be an angry person today after talking to my mom on the phone.

She was rambling on about how busy my father is, now that he is working almost 24-7. She says that she never get to talk to him and when she does talk to him, he makes her feel that she is wasting his time. He is never home and she never sees him. Yet at the same time, she feels that he is happier now that he is busy at work.

I am frustrated that my mom was the first person who told him to accept this new job. Of course, ultimately, it was my dad's decision. She did encourage him though. She should have known that there is a trade off- busy at work = sacrificing the home. Now, she is back to square one, spending most of her time by herself. Moving things by herself...yes, and with the new apartment/house. My dad was very unsympathetic about how she was not feeling well with her sciatica acting up again. Today on the phone, I don't think she was asking for help but only asking someone to listen to her, but it was so hard to just listen and not be angry at both of my parents. One is too busy and buried in work that he lost his empathy for people, especially the one who lives with him. The other is too kind and too weak to just pick up and leave. I wonder if he is even going to know it if my mom just packs and comes.

Looking at my own parents, and reflecting on what's been going on with my life, it is no wonder why I am so bad at making commitment. On the one hand, I fear that I will turn out to be just like my dad who gets wrapped on with work only and forget about the existence of others around him. On the other hand, I look at the result of my parents, supposedly a "happy couple" per some family friends, and I just cannot see either of them to be happy. Do I want to subject myself to that kind of strained relationship? Not really. Because of that, I really am not excited about jumping into a relationship. Yet, over the spring break, my dad was telling me that I should not be alone... Well, if I can have a peace of mind and be single for the rest of myself, why not? I would rather not deal with the mess that is associated with a relationship.

When I get older, I want to be able to enjoy my work and ALSO have a life outside of work. I want to make sure there is a clear line drawn between the two.

Well, now that I've vented, I feel much better.