I wish I could do something to help her, but they told me not to...

I bought a doze of pink roses for the people that I really care about in the nursing home. Along with the flower, I attached a wallet picture of me with the puny snowman that I built during the winter break in New York. They were so surprised and so happy. One of them hugged and kissed me on the cheek to show her happiness and appreciation.

She was yelling "help" with her old hoarse voice that sounded like as if she was going cry. She is my favorite...

"What's wrong???"

"Help!"

"What's wrong, Vxxxx???"

"Help me!"

"What's wrong? Tell me!" I inquired loudly so that she'll hear me.

"Huh?"

"What's wrong? Can I help you?"

"I want to get up. Help me!"

I put down my roses on the side and stooped down, "Why do you need to stand up? It is lunch time, and you are right by your dining table, Vxxxx."

"I want to stand up!" She yelled back at me, but I couldn't understand why she would want to stand up right in front of her dining table. Everyone was sitting down and getting ready for lunch. I went up to the nurse and the aid and asked if I could help her to stand up, but they told me not to.

"I can't help you...I am sorry. They said that you should finish your lunch first. Vxxxx, you can stand up once you finish your lunch and get back to you room. Ok? Just finish your lunch quickly and I'll take you back to your room and help you up, because I have to go soon."

"You help me. You helped me before, why can't you help me now?" she said sadly with her head down... She sounded so sad and so disappointed in me that I thought she was on the brink of crying...

"....Vxxxx...." I was out of words, "I can't..."

"GO then! GO!" she waved her hand and yelled at me...

I wanted to cry not because she yelled at me but because I couldn't help her.... Argh... Frustration... There was something burning inside me. She must be heartbroken... My plan to make her happy on Valentine's Day turned out to be a TOTAL disaster! It was all because that I can't help her... Sigh. I wish I could DO something. Perhaps I had the chance of doing something but I didn't choose to do it. I left her alone...

I picked the thorns off the pink rose and placed it by your bed along with my picture with the tiny snowman that I built in New York during winter break. Do you like the rose? Do you like the note that I write you on the back of the picture? I hope my picture won't make you even more disappointed than you were at the dining room.

sigh...will you forgive me and talk to me again?