starting to pack now...hmm... thoughts are flowing in my mind...

the sky looks reddish purple. looking out at the window now, i am thinking to myself that i am going to miss King from across the yard on the 3rd floor. i'll remember how he would IM me and ask us to look at the other side, finding him waving at us. i'll remember how we turned off the light and signaled each other with flashlights to say hello. we even thought about developing a code using flashlight... ha. it would have been a fun project to do, except we are all too busy in our own little worlds. i'll remember how people scream at 12AM every single day during the finals week. crazy, nuts... have they ever thought that there are people sleeping? (i.e. Ms. D and I) i'll miss walking through the lawns getting back from classes... it feels good to walk on the grass (we weren't allowed to walk on the grass in taiwan)... i like walking through the muddy slushy lawn during the winter... i wonder if someone likes to walk on the grass and the muddy ground too. ha.. hearing the birds singing early in the morning and wondering if one day i will be able to whistle like a bird (or learn how to whistle at least)... (I know someone who can whistle like a bird. he lives in the nursing home, always whistling, whispering to his paralyzed wife...) saying good morning to the squirrels and chipmunks and wondering if they can tell that i really want to become their friends.

the plants are growing really fast... i think they grow while we are sleeping, totally oblivious to the things going on in the world. maybe they can feel too... maybe they can feel that the spring is calling, that it is time to wake up from their winter hibernation. the corn are getting really tall now, so are the broccoli... soon everything will mature and blossom... i hope Ms. D will take pictures of them while i am away in new york.

the room...looks really empty... it is more bleak than empty, although a bit messy. (due to packing) it will become lifeless during the summer...and alive again next fall. i have the wile thought of leaving a message in one of the drawers and say hello to the girls who will live here next year. i'd wish them get along well if not becoming the best friends. i'd wish them to enjoy college and at the same time do well in school too... learn, have fun, and enjoy life as it is. life is too short. perhaps, i will come visit this room again and knock on the door next year to say hello to them. will they think that i am crazy? do i care? not really... i had a good time here, and i want to keep this memory forever.

suddenly, i feel so old... what have i done this year? what have i accomplished? what have i learned? it seems like that i never really did anything, yet i know that i must have done something or learned something... how can i not? the year has gone by too fast. i can't grasp it. this is a fear that i have always have in my heart. i am afraid that one day i will realize right before i disappear that i have done nothing in my life but wasting it away. my life would appear to be a blank piece of paper...nothing will be left behind. i want to make impact on people's lives... i want to be fufilled... i want to experience what life really is about. what is it about?

da ye and da niang came on sunday... i called them "da ye" and "da niang" because that's how i should call them. even though i never knew them, we got to talk about a lot of things. they were telling me that there are different stages in life and that in each stage you look at things from a different perspective. "you will be amazed when you get to our age..." i wondered what it is like to be 74 years old... they are so happy together, getting married for 40 years and still be able to grow and learn... they are like friends. there was no awkwardness whatsoever (on my side). everything fell smoothly into place. i felt like they are really close to me even though i only saw them twice in my life (first time when i was 2 years old and 2nd time when i am 19). they ask me to go to chicago whenever i want to.

i will miss the walk from the library back to brody... have you seen the tulips by the river? what about those purplish bluish little flowers by the sidewalk? and the little skinny black squirrels? it is beautiful here in spring... absolutely gorgeous... at night, you'll see the stars shining too... can you name all the constellations? is there something else out there? can you hear the heavy breathe of the sleeping animals? did you see the bunnies? are there racoons hiding somewhere? can you smell the dampness from the earth? what about the flowers? nature is amazing... i had the impulse to just sleep under a tree while i was trodding my way back to brody. it'd be nice to just sit there and sleep under the tree... hmm...i smiled to myself while i was walking back (glad that nobody see me smiling at myself...ha).

maybe i should stop rambling on...i think i have put down the things that have been in my mind for the past few days. heh. more are to come, of course... i'll never stop babbling, not when i am content and happy with my life...