WHOA...today...what a day. I finally convinced mom to let me go to the city...thank goodness there are charlie and jon to back me up (sorry guys, i used you guys so that i can go see you two), otherwise, i would not be able to head to the city alone by myself...

got to the city around 12:30pm...went to the metropolitan museum from 1:30 and stayed until almost 5 when charlie met me outside the door. twas nice just wandering around inside the museum. we walked to see the christmas tree on 5th avenue (sparkly and shiny...ah...i want to touch it)... watched people ice skate (some had pretty bad falls, but some are actually pretty good, doing the spins and the spread eagles...and all those complicated stuff)... there were a lot of people in that place... met up with jon and we went to eat brazilian food... =). never had brazilian food like that before... it was quite good. the two guys walked me back to the port authority... =). what an honor! really appreciated it...really. sigh... i am going to miss them during the break...

some things happened today which struck me pretty hard...sigh...they bother me. i don't know... i don't know what people mean when they say a certain things anymore, not that i am ever so sensitive to pick them up anyway... some things just don't seem right... they never seem right... i wish i can fix them if i have superpower.

also saw the harsh reality of life today at port authority....2 cases, actually...

1. this guy who seems to be deaf and dumb came up to me and jon to ask for money... we didn't have change, so we gave him our left over food from the brazilian restaurant.

2. there were 2 pigeons at the place where i was waiting for my bus... one of them lost the claws on one leg...the other one is also crippled, but the crippled leg still had one "toe" on it... well...the mexicans sitting on the chairs were feeding them peanuts. the 2nd pigeons kept pecking on the 1st pigeon whenever he got closer to the peanuts. i felt bad for the 1st pigeon who was more crippled than the 2nd one... tried to shoo the 2nd away several times...or stood in its way to the peanuts so the 1st could get its portion of the peanuts. it is really survival of the strong? i really wonder...how much does the outside power contribute to this differential equation? also wondered how come they lost their claws... did they get ran through by a car? got stepped on? diabetes from the junk food from humans? congenital deformity? genetics? pollution? how much did they themselves contribute to the conditions they have right now??

bah...everyone today tells me that he/she is a lightbulb if he/she comes...3 of them... i just have to complain...please allow me to do so. if i think you are going to be a lightbulb...i wouldn't ask you to come...why do people have to get so awkward just by hanging out with me (single, whose currently not looking into any sort of serious relationship other than good friendship)? (ok now...i am being really egocentric...everything revolves around me...) maybe the problem is on me and not others... maybe i shouldn't force them to hang out with me... it must be dreadful to be dragged out to do something you don't want... can you just tell me? sigh...

headache...going to bed....