I should be studying right now, but I am not in the mood to do it... (doing laundry right now)

If I were ever to get married and have kids, I would never be as a great parent as either of my mom or dad... I would never have the love to sacrifice my life, my time, and my relationship with my husband by taking the kids to a foreign country so that they can receive better education and by leaving my husband alone in another place.. I don't think I would ever be able to do it. There comes a price to be paid after all...

I wish I can DO something...

On top of that, last night, I felt really excluded from a group of friends... Maybe it is because I haven't put too much time into hanging out with the bunch (only two-three hours a week) because I always want to study... I choose to study... I have no regret over that... Maybe I am just as superficial as most of the other college kids, except I am more superficial in terms of grades... I understand how fame, achievements, and all those concrete touchable things don't really mean anything at the end... sigh. I guess I am just a bad friend to begin with anyway... I don't feel like I belong anymore because I am not one of them... Only a couple of them can still make me feel that I still belong... I mean... I want to say thank you to the ones who accept and respect my current decisions... Thank you for your patience to let me be who I am right now... It means a lot. Sigh... I don't know what to say... It is a little heartbreaking...

So many heartbreaking things...