i am glad that i went to ccf's sharing night yesterday... people's honest and passionate testimonies hit me and made me really think. perhaps i should take the initiative? should i? i will pray. but... i don't think i will ever be a good christian... i still think there are god(s) in other religions... is that even allowed? i don't think so. how will that affect my own being, raised to believe that there are different gods in the world? plus, i also believe there are spirits... like the spirits of your ancestors are always there to protect you and spirits of everything (animated or inanimated). wouldn't that be awkward? then i can't really do it wholeheartedly... can you have both one god and many gods/spirits at the same time? probably not. and it comes down to ra's ultimate question with a slight modification. if you can't do it with your heart, should you even try?

so many things changed. you are probably wondering why i am blogging right now, on a saturday night, the weekend right before the finals. are you all done with studying? no. i just feel like taking a break. mind you, i don't kill myself studying. i do take breaks...not long ones, but long enough for me to feel like i can go on again.

i've been thinking, about the future. i am a person who likes to plan way ahead of time, so i know what is likely to happen... but when it come downs to graduation, i am so indecisive. i've never really experienced this before in my life. i still want to do so many things in my life...

it is so true when dr. bello was telling us, the single girls, how it would feel when people around you are getting married. lol. this is silly, but all of sudden, there is a sense of urgency within wondering if it will happen to me one day. isn't this ironic how i am talking about this? the girl who vowed that she will never get married because she doesn't really care about guys anyway and she will never have kids. maybe i will change... maybe. diana (bello) was telling us that we should try to find orphans instead of guys with parents still living, or at least try to find guys whose parents are really really old. i find that really odd. perhaps she is telling us this because of her relationship with her husband's family, but i think it is more important if the guy does have parents still living. i think family is important. i think family is everything (to me, at least). i don't think i would be happy if i lose my own family and i often pray that my family will always be healthy and well (relatively). i think i will probably break like a shattered piece of glass if someone whom i love deeply cease to exist in a physical form... but life goes on, and i will have to move on. and again...this is ironic coming from me... i used to think friends are everything. i guess people do change.

walking outside today, it was snowing lightly. tiny compact crystal white snowflakes in its normal hexagonal starry shape and in rods... isn't it amazing how temperature up in the sky can affect the formation of snow flakes? man... amazing... and it hit me. i finally found out where i picked up "man" this word.... it is from Cory! lol. he always says it when we do stuff in the lab. ha. that's pretty cool. i got my answer when i was least expecting it.

ok... i am going to go now...