I should be studying, because I really don't know my stuff.

This morning, I woke up early and went to my professor's office hour to ask her some questions. At the end, we started chatting about people whom we know to have some sort of autoimmune diseases. It turned out that her father has a very debilitating autoimmune disease, and now he's bedridden, totally oblivious to the world, or so we think. What's the quality of life at that stage? Something somehow kept him going. Does he even know what it is? I thought about my grandma who passed away six years ago and wondered if she knew what was going on when she was in her coma. I was never there for her. Was it her unconsciousness that kept her going until the day right before we got on the plane on our way back? Was she trying to wait for us? Did she finally let go when she knew we were definitely going back? I wondered if there is something that her father is holding on. Maybe he is waiting for something. I wached my professor as she describing her father's condition. What could I have said? I don't think I said much. I just listened. It was a very emotional moment for her, because I could see how her eyes sparkled and the rims of her eyes glistened under the buzzing noisy white light. She held back her tears...

I know someone who has the same autoimmune disease at the nursing home where I volunteer at. The man can still walk with a walker...barely lifting up his foot for every step. I watch him drag himself, slowly across the hall way to the dining room... So, bedridden would be the final stage for him if he gets to live that long. man... why do people get these autoimmune diseases?

I wonder what my emotional state will be when I do become a doctor... Will I be numbed by all these sad stories at the end? I hope not. I hope that I will still be able to feel sadness...