broken thoughts

i was thinking, alone, in the car, light off, music off, car off... i wondered what would happen if i just fall asleep in the car like that. nobody would even know that i was alone in the car sleeping... dead maybe. i wonder how people get carbon monoxide poison in the car... i never looked into it. they probably just fell sleep, not knowing what was happening.

i walked back to the dorm from lot 91... some drunk people passed by me. i had my hood on, even though it wasn't that cold. i just couldn't stop my tears from rolling down my cheeks and they froze into little round salty crystals. stars have lost their normal brightness, and even the moon was distorted out of its normal shape.

maybe i am home sick...i am tired, mentally exhausted and drained. i just want to have a very long sleep and wake up after 100 years. my back and shoulders hurt, and i just want to reset every single bone and muscle on my body. i no longer believe there is a greater power out there anymore... i give up.

not many people listen... sometimes i am not seeking for answers or solutions to problems. i just want to get that suffocating feeling out of my chest. why can't you just listen and say nothing? i just need an audience... so i talked to the self within, yelled at her for being so dumb and slow, for being weak and for being a coward who just hides from the world. i don't even know where i am going with this... my insensitivity to the rest of the world. maybe that is why i am so strange and aloof... maybe i am just not fit to do anything at all in my life. maybe i should just vaporize into air.

i want to leave this depressing winter...