yeah... i was thinking about the two dying people at hospice house this weekend. Yesterday, I didn't go back to hospice house at sparrow st. lawrences campus to meet w/ the old man's family. i really should bring him some chinese duck this coming up friday, because he said that he'd like to try some. he even wanted me to cook some chinese food for him. he's such a sweet gentleman. i really enjoyed visiting him, especially when he told me stories about his family.

"once you are over 75, there is no more priority in life. you pretty much tried everything there is. what are you going to do now?" (paraphrased) that reminded me of what my grandma told me. she always tells me that she's had all kinds of food in her life and that she doesn't have any desire anymore, except to have us by her side. she eats very little nowadays...

there was another lady... bedridden, weak, and sleepy most of the time. my heart jumped when i first saw her...(same reaction when i saw the old man) i was absolutely horrified by her shrunken appearance. all i could see was the large unblinking hollow eyes staring at me and her opened mouth... death. i know she is dying now. she couldn't really speak, but she could hear. i introduced myself to her, explaining what i was doing there. I held her hand and stroke it gently, surprised at the warmth of her hands compared to mine. My hands were icy cold, while her hands were so warm. she just stared, speechless... the country music channel was playing very loud on her TV. i asked if she liked country music, she shaked her head weakly... and i asked if she liked country music, she said no. she didn't say much afterwards, she couldn't. i doubt that she even have the strength move any part of her dying body. so i just sat there on the chair and watched her falling back asleep again... i wondered if that was what happened to my maternal grandma.

it is funny how both of them scared me the first time when I saw them--the noseless man and the shrunken woman--but once i got to know them a little better, they are just like everyone else with spirits. death is not scary. it is just a process of life once you accept it.