yesterday, i bought chinese duck (cooked) to a patient at Hospice House, since he asked for it last week. I was all excited about letting him try it, since the food smelled good (and I was hungry...hehe). As soon as I walked into the nurse station and announced that I was going to give the food to him, I heard the bad news. "I don't think he'll be able to eat it, honey. It's his time. His family is here." :-/ I was disappointed...and very very sad. very sad. "But, I know someone else who just happened to ask to try some duck! He'll be thrilled to hear this." So, we gave a little piece of duck to that other person in another room, and gave the rest of the duck w/ rice to the noseless man's family. They are very nice people... I talked to the old man for a little bit and let him know that I brought him duck to let him try, even though in my heart I know, he won't be able to have it. Dying people look different than sick people... He was sick, but not actively dying a week ago. Now... sigh. He looked at me...but I was not even sure if he was looking at me anymore... His eyes were out of focus, so to speak... No more energy left... dried. exhausted body... I missed his strong handshake that he gave me last week, and I just held his hand and rubbed it gently. I didn't know what to say either, but his family helped me out.

Then...I just did my routine... played piano for him. My hands were so unsteady and shaky in the beginning that I kept missing notes that I normally wouldn't do. I remembered how one day he told me that I played horribly... LOL. I laughed when he told me that and agreed with him.

The nurse later told me that last week he said I am a fascinating person... Thanks a lot, Mr. L.E. I enjoyed every moment sitting and chatting with you... Thank you for telling me your stories about your family and yourself.

I hope that you will have a very good place to go after you leave here.

Then, I visited another old man in the hospice... He was sitting in his chair, TV off, the melting birthday cake on the table w/ the lonely cup of coffee/cold chocolate... He looked extremely sad. I walked in and said hello to him... Depressed, all he said to me throughout the whole conversation was, "Thank you...thank you." He didn't feel like talking, and I could tell that he was crying silently. I just sat there for a little while...silently with him, and let him know that I was there to listen if he wanted to talk. Then, I left...promising him that I would pray for him...

Today...I called Dad... grandma is still recuperating slowly, but her kidneys are not doing so well. :-/. Grandpa is very sad right now... I don't know what to do. I want to do something.... Kidneys are very important in the body...they help to get rid off the wastes and keep the ion/pH balance.

sigh...