i am not sure if this is the so-called senioritis, but ever since the MCAT, i have not been able to focus my mind straight on studying anymore. it is somewhat sad in a sense. i want my old self to come back.

yesterday, toka was telling us about the sorority girls who came to help w/ the spring dance at the nursing home. i am not trying to judge the sorority girls. a few of my friends are actually involved with their affiliated sorority groups, and they are very very nice people. at the dance, there was this one girl who was helping out with the helium balloons (there were actually quite a few of them as i recall. i was actually surprised why there were ~5 of them, crowding by the tank of helium, because you don't really need that many people to make balloons anyway.) toka asked this one girl to apply make-up on one of the residents' face, and the girl just made a disgusted face and walked away. It shocked me. that was just very rude to the resident. it made me a little mad and a little sad. we are all human beings, and one day we will all get old (if we don't die young). people should be treated w/ respect regardless of their age. she could simply tell toka that she was not comfortable doing it, and toka would have been fine with that, too. seriously. i can't stand it. does that girl know what it means to be a volunteer? being a volunteer is to put one's ego down and learn to be humble, because a volunteer has to serve others out of his/her own free will. sometimes, being a volunteer requires one to do the dirty jobs, such as clean the soiled linens and trash w/ diapers in it (in hospice house), feed patients, make beds, help them to stand up, etc. other times, a volunteer hold patient's hands, give them hugs and kisses, talk to them, and/or simply sit there. Yes, some things may make you frown, but there is so much to be learned by doing the smallest things. does that girl know how much her presence is appreciated by the residents? they love to see people coming to visit them... they want to see new faces and they want to see life...

there is this one lady in the nursing home. she has alzheimers and perhaps some demensia, so her memory is really bad. every week, i walk her back from the dining room to her room, because she does not remember where her room is. every week, she tells me to walk in front of her, so she can follow me back to her room. every week, i show her where her room is. her eyes sparkle as she recognizes the furnitures in her room, "ahh, this is my room! Thank you. Thank you." I sit with her so that she can eat her peanut butter and jelly sandwich and watch how the peanut butter and jelly get all over her hands. i bring her tissues and help to clean her sticky hands. she always asks for my name, and I always tell her that my name is "Pei." with her heavy european accent, she says, "Pei? oooh, that's a pretty name." Then, she takes her nap with her shoes on or with her shoes under her pillows, because she fears that someone is going to take her shoes away from her. I always wish her a sweet nap when i leave, while she always tells me to come back the next week to sit with her. i know that she is going to forget her room and my name again, but it is okay. even though everthing is so repetitive and she is so forgetful, i still look forward to see her every week. there is something about these old people that attract me. the day at the nursing home has become one of my favorite days of the week. I look forward to it every single week. I never feel like, "man, i don't want to be there today because i am so tired and i have so much to do," when i go to the nursing home. It is a very very fulfilling experience, and many people don't really realize it (or they find other things more fulfilling). It is the reason why i go back to the nursing home year after year, because i genuinely love the people and the place over there.

so...whatever that girl did to the one resident really made me wonder if she know the meaning of service... does she really know? did she consider the consequence of her reactions when she gave the face and walked out? she might have hurt someone's feeling inadvertently through her expressive face... even though some residents can't talk well or hear well, they can still see and feel. they are human beings as well even though they may be infirm. it just made me very sad how that sorority girl didn't really live up to the sorority's name... aren't these sororities theoretically supposed to serve the communities?