"Larger-firmer breasts in as little as 3 weeks! 100% natural and affordable alternative to surgery! Money back guarantee! Toll free 888-385-1345"

"Brazilian queue for new breasts before carnivals." that made me chuckle and reminded me of some people from brazil. ha.

Those were the ad and news article that we looked at in epidemiology class today. We were talking about breast implants, both saline and silicon ones.

Why do people get breast implants? What's so attractive about the breasts, guys? Yes, it is a biological thing, and people's brains are hardwired. It is also a sociological issue. There is a social sensitivity about breasts... I had to chuckle when Rip said breasts are a dual functional device.

have you wondered how these silicon and saline breasts feel like? hehe. pretty cool stuff. the first thing that ran into my mind was, "whoa, they are HUGE," and the second thought was, "man, they are HEAVY." you wonder why some people are willing to undergo breast augmentation. their back will be under a lot of strain for sure... My favorite kind of breast is the newest kind of silicon breasts (sorry, this sentence sounds a little awkward). It feels like jelly...

well, i will fill you in as we progress in the silicon breast implant lesson in epi.

on the other hand. pei scored 69 on today's bowling game w/ the HB club members tonight. WOOHOOO...

yeah... there is something else on my mind, too. i never told anybody about it, because i felt really stupid talking about it. for some odd reason, i remembered the day when i cried over a guy. that was my first time. i was walking alone from the x lot to my dorm after watching Constantine w/ youn. that was just a very stressful night for me...not just because we were on the highway for an hour trying to figure out where we were... Ben\ Dan\. i said it in Chinese, repeatedly, mumbling to myself as my tears rolled down my cheeks. i didn't care if other people saw me crying. i didn't really know whether i said that word for myself or for the guy. i was just surprised...and...i was not expecting it. i didn't foresee the possibility that someone whom i liked loved someone else. i was naive. maybe that chinese word was for myself, for my own stupidity. of course. silly me. i am always the last to find out in any situation, too oblivious in my own little world. of course. silly. maybe he was just joking when he told me. he always jokes with me. i was in denial for 5 minute. but then, what was i expecting anyway? was i actually expecting him to ask me out? no. how can i fall into this trap so easily, just because he has always been nice to me? i am supposed to be tough and cold as ice. then, i laughed at my own weakness and mocked myself with my semi-rational mind. he won't know that i was trying to get to the place to watch the movie w/ him. he won't know that i like him, because i never told him directly (which i chose not to). of course, he can do whatever he wants and however he wants. maybe it is just not meant to be. maybe it is better this way. silly me. look at the reality...this is life. knock, knock, rationality, wake up. take away the tears and tomorrow will be better. life is not over just because of one guy. stupid girl. my monologue in the dead of the night... it took me a few days to wake up and forget for a few days, until i really got hit by the reality. but, i am tough.

why did this come up to my mind tonight? because i want to forget again... forget about what happened. i realized how exhausting it is to be in this situation. i don't want to be obessed with one person. i don't want to wait and get excited just to hear his voice, seeing his physical being, or staring at his messages in the AIM window. i don't want to be in my other friend's position... i want to grow up. i want the little girl's mind to grow up into a mature woman's mind. i want my thoughts to be washed and cleaned, so that i will not be thinking about him when i wake up or when i go to bed... so that i will not care which girls he talks to and cares for. now i understand what mom told me about her experience w/ my dad. it was sweet, she said, but also a lot of unnecessary worries and doubts. imagine what it would be if i am actually in a relationship right now? my thoughts are already messed up without a boyfriend... the calm serene water is already disturbed and the ripples just get bigger and bigger... it will calm down again, eventually. i just want this feeling to go away. i want to be in my comfort zone forever for the rest of my life. i want my passion to die. i want to gain control over myself again.