i can't believe that i am writing an entry right now, and my first CRR exam is a day away......

i am just going to vent here, because I've already vented to several people about my current depressive state... i don't want to make them depressed like me...

can i say that I hate being here? yes... despite the fact that i like Vermont and that i like my med school..... i just simply do not want to be here... life sucks. i guess i can say i let myself in this state of affair, so I can't really blame on anybody but myself. i wish i can travel and visit people like what normal people do... I want to go to go home to see my parents and be babied by them, go to my friends' weddings and share their happiness, travel to another part of the world, and just be away not having to think about studying rather than being "pinned" stationary here at this place... I don't even know when I will be able to leave... and sometimes I don't even remember what it feels to be inspired or touched by life... It SUCKS... I want to quit, let everything drop and shatter into pieces... I want to stay in bed all day and not feel guilty about wasting time away...

my future is soooo far away..... it almost seems like i will never reach it....

the only thing that kind of encouraged me a bit was an inner voice that told me, "have faith," on Friday morning... wherever that voice came from...it certainly made me feel a bit more calm and peaceful...

sigh... i should go back and look over my CRR notes on atherogenesis and other cardiovascular diseases/drugs/complications.