how did things start in the beginning?



we were never good communicators, and it doesn't make things any easier since you were shy and i was too reserved to talk. i think a lot has to do with the fact that i wrote my blog... perhaps giving you a glimpse into my thoughts, which i am very protective about and prefer to keep them to myself. there are reasons for that... some "psychological traumas" from back in the days, and they live with me and mold me into who I am now. I don't think I was ever the same after what I had to go through. Perhaps they made me more mature, more introverted and more introspective....or more pessimistic.



i've been thinking... what is really keeping us together?



is it the friendship and companionship?



is it a sense of obligation?



is it love?



is it just because we are so used to each other?



What is friendship and companionship? What can the obligations be? What is love? How do we define these things? Does it matter how much we weigh each of them? Would that give us different outcomes the different weight we give each at the end of the day?



Who am I looking for in this life time? Honestly...my romantic fantasies got transformed. The love that Catherine and Heathcliff had for each other...the stormy intense crazy love got turned into a more tranquil, peaceful type...where I really desire more of a steady friend/companion to share the moments with. Just like the type you see in old grandma and grandpa... I will be content with just the presence... no need for the thick honey coated layer constantly but in moderation.

sigh... I don't really know where I am going with this... Maybe it is time to take a break and let go.