Tonight is New Year's Eve, and Dad is coming...

I don't know why I am not excited about his arrival. It is such an awkward time... Not that I don't want him to be here to just see me (mainly...I am his favorite, muwahaha), but .... sigh... I am just afraid to see him because his last visit wasn't that pleasant... Every time I think about his last visit, I get a chill, and I want to cry because he got so mad last time that he swore he'd never come and see us again. I've never seen him so mad before...never. Mom and Yee tell me that it wasn't my fault, but I still think that I triggered the whole event and that brought about the rest of the long long horrible story. It made me think that I am the factor that caused the "broken" family...

Why is my family situation so different from everybody else's? I think that our immigration to the States is also due to me....because I wasn't happy in taiwan so dad decided to send mom and yee here to accompany me here. Sigh... They all sacrificed for me...and our family is broken into 2 halves... I sometimes wonder what my life would be had I not come here at all. Perhaps I wouldn't be here anymore, which is very likely. sigh...I am so grateful for what they have done for me, but at the same time I wish our family could be together again...

hmm....i guess I better quit talking these sad things and stop crying....

must be happy about his arrival so that he won't feel like we dono't need him... must make him feel important and being loved...

ttyl