You are eiko You are extremely cute, though you can also be tricky. You aren't afraid to express your feelings. You oftenly feel lonely.

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Yesterday was such a wonderful day, despite the cold flurries and the wind.

A group of us from CCF went to Lansing to help Habitat for Humanity. Our assignment was to fill up the holes on the ground (soil) and level it out so that it has a smooth slope that matches with the sidewalk and the drive way. It was tiring, but fun in the same time. My shoe got stuck in the mudd (due to the rain the day before), so I had to try to balance myself on the slope on the side of the house. LOL. We laughed so hard when I finally got to put my shoes back on and walked onto the driveway of the next door neighbor. There was at least an inch or two of mudd on the sole of my sneakers... (I grew!) Very heavy...I could barely walk, so Christy had to help me to scrape the mudd off my shoes. haha. It was a very fulfilling day although I was extremely cold (only wore a T-shirt and a sweatshirt, because I thought it would be warm outside). I felt that I did something good to contribute back to the community... I wish I had stayed for the afternoon shift too.

The afternoon was as unproductive as it can be. I tried to read some English critical essays, but I kept falling asleep. I couldn't really help it. Even though my mind was active, my body was tired... There was absolutely no strength left in me, and my eyelids just closed by themselves... sigh...

I got to call mom and dad last night. =) It was all worth it, because we got to "bond" with one another. Mom and I were discussing about the self-identity issue, and mom cried because she felt the same way as i do... It turns out that I was the one trying to make her feel better, even though I don't quite know how. (She also asked what I want for my birthday that's coming soon and asked me to get Ms. D an Easter chocolate bunny.) I got to talk to dad, too. As usual, I told him about my plan for my next year's schedule and how I am going to approach my dream. He, as usual, asked if I have any questions on relationship...and I told him, "no." (I don't know...I should have told him that I have a "crush" on someone, but um...i don't even know how a relationship can develop between my crush and me.) Then, I told him to check his e-mail so we can talk about this self-identity problem that I am having.

"Anything else? Just school and this self-identity issue?"

"mm...I think so..."
"wait!"

"hmm?"

"I went to help to build a house for Habitat for Humanity!"

So i explained what Habitat for Humanity is to him.

"Be careful with your back, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. I was careful"

"I don't want you to strain your back again since you had the history of straining it. It happens more often when you have a history of it"

"Yeah...I know, dad"

"Ok, just want to make sure, because you are my daughter."

At the end of the conversation, I was on the brink of crying... Tears were rolling in my eyes, because dad told me that he is very proud of who i am (despite the identity problem that he had yet to read about). He told me that he's so happy that I have grown into such a good person (compassionate, thoughtful, understanding, good-hearted, etc) and that my way of thinking/logic has surprised him.... sigh... i miss him... his voice is very comforting... i used to cry everytime i talked to him on the phone when i just came here. he seemed to understand why i was crying... he always seems to understand what's going on in my mind. it amazes me... i wonder if there will be another person in the world who can do the same thing.

i wonder...

btw, Mr. C sent this song by Nat King Cole to me the other day (he's just a friend, not my crush, even though my crush has his last name beginning with C too). The song is called "LOVE", and I just love it... it is such a sweet song... I can always imagine myself listening to this song and eating mango ice or smoothie or coffee under the dim light at the table where the table cloth is lime green... i don't know why this image always come up to my mind (maybe it is because my uncle made mango ice for me once and played one of these old sweet jazzy songs in the background).

Here we go:

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you



L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you

It reminds me of the beginning stage of falling in love...the "butterfly" stage as Mr. Lee had told us about in Praise Night... It must feel kinda funny...lol