sigh.

yesterday at hospice house, the nurse revealed to me something i was not expecting. the noseless man's wife is not at the hospice house, dying. "nooooo..." i said, but the nurse somehow convinced me that this wasn't as bad as i thought. (I still think it is a bit tragic... the family must be devestated knowing that their dad just passed away and their mom is on her way, too.) :-/ maybe the noseless man is just waiting for her to join him on the other side of the world. apparently, the wife had been hiding her illness during the time when the noseless man was sick. it's love... it would be something my mom would do. but to a third person (i.e. me), it is just very sad that these things are happening in a very short period of time.

and the other depressed old guy is still very depressed. i am still unable to cheer him up...so i signed his guest book again and sat with him for a little while, trying to encourage him to read the bible, thinking that perhaps it will bring some peace to his heart...

the old woman in walnut was very sleepy yesterday... she could barely open her mouth when i tried to feed her mash patoto and icecream. i gave her a piece of cadbury dark chocolate, knowing that she likes chocolate. lol. that brought smile to her tired face

i also sat with another immobile lady...yeah...she's still hanging on... she was more responsive yesterday, but then she fell asleep holding my hand...

nothing is happening much in my personal life. i am still trying to adjust to the changes and trying to live with it. i want to say that i really don't care, but i can't. deep within, i still care and still secretly wish that i am the one...yet at the same time secretly wish the best for those who are involved in it. i just wish i had known earlier...so i wouldn't be in a such pathetic state of mind. it is truly pathetic. it's ok though. it's just a part of life...and i am learning something new from it. when i get over it, i will not feel this strange awkwardness. it annoys me. i wish i don't have to have this feeling, because this is really not that big of a deal...or so i tell myself, in attempts to brainwash or hypnotize myself. the grass is not greener on the other side. it is for the best. i am learning from this experience. it's allll good. lol. if i were a anime character right now, a big hammer would hit my head and wake me up.

yeah. so...there was a spurt of the moment thing last night. i went w/ dave, andre, and mike to NCG and watched Sin City. surprised? i sat in front of my computer when dave asked me. huh? me? thoughts pour out from my little tiny brain, "well, i gotta do laundry...but it is not urgent... i gotta study...but am i really going to study at this hour? probably not... plus, pei is thinking about someone else somewhere on the other side, she needs to get rid off that feeling of loss. SURE, why not? i have not seen dave for ages. it'd be cool to hang out with him and meet new people. most importantly, i need a change--a change in mood" so, i went and watched sin city with three guys. The experience was actually pretty good... andre is a very easy person to talk to. i really enjoyed talking to him... lol. isn't it just amazing how a 21-22 yr old guy having a 4 year old sister? it amazes me. that's just like sarah's case... 2 year old little girl w/ a sister who is a college freshman now.

i am not sure how i feel about the movie since i have never read it before...but it is pretty cool... lots of blood, sex, and crime... of course, what else? it's called sin city after all. i like the color contrast part. sometimes, i don't quite understand why some people's blood are white and some others' are red. i think i had the most sympathy for that big huge guy with the protruding chin... and the guy who wears red shoes reminded me of yee... and i felt really bad for the police who got framed by his partner. if you really want to know the plot of the movie, sorry, i can't really tell you anything about the plot... because i am still very confused as to how the city became the way it was and the politics involved in it.

ok... pei is going to stop blogging now. she's going to study pharmacology and epidemiology.